Penblunt & Hogwash

Regulating the irregular

Penblunt

Let me indulge.

Let me tell you a Punjabi joke.

(Me-kkiepedia: “The Punjabi is a person of either gender originating in Punjab, a north Indian state of vast resources, and speaking a wonderfully robust language. Punjabis are known for their humour and their ability to laugh at themselves.

(They are also known for their boisterous Bhangra dance and tandoori chicken, Punjab’s global culinary export, as also for members of the community migrating to England, whose subjects they, as all Indians had been till 1947, when India became independent.”)

One lady from Amritsar, the Sikh Holy city, was migrating to Britain, and upon hearing that, her neighbour tumbled into her home quite flustered.

“Tussi England janday ho?” she asked in Punjabi (“I believe you are going to England?”)

Receiving a magnificent smile and a nod in the affirmative, the neighbour said: “Do us a favour.”

“Sure!”

“When you are in England, tussi queen-noo mill lo (go meet the Queen).

The imminent immigrant’s mouth did a prefect ‘O’ in surprise, and she asked, “Of course, but why?”

“Tussi o-nu milkay dasso, bus! Ab humsey smbhala nahi janda, hun tussi waps aa jao!” (Just meet her, and tell her, we’ve had enough, now do please come back to India and rule again!”)

This is a little joke on governance.

We fought for our independence, tooth and nail and got it, and now, after more than three decades, we want the Queen back… even if it is a joke… at least the British crown gave us some good governance.

Now take a look at our broadcasters.

They are fighting, hurling abuses, calling the secretary something short of a demon, and the minister nothing short of a backdoor tyrant, a freshwater pirate… trying to gag the Indian press.

Why? Because they do not want regulation. Ridiculous! Says some of their own kin, we must have regulation. So the official body for the broadcasters takes a step back and says, rather Tilakesque*: “self-regulation is our birthright and we shall have it.”

They want self-regulation and so they set off to draft a Content Code of their own which they will, they said, implement on their own, indulging in self-contradiction left, right and centre.

They admitted that the news media sometimes showed secret films of a nude film starlets bathing in a jail loo; or a sex racket madam who is actually a school teacher whose only relation with sex is conjugal… and such trash.

They admit to such mistakes, but the reason, they aver, is the industry is still in its infancy and is gradually maturing so it will take time.

And when the government says they need regulation, they shout back: “We are mature enough to regulate ourselves!” Digital babies, these guys, I tell you!

Ahem!

So the ‘mature’ lot set about drafting a code of content and told the government they would submit it any time, but said also that this cannot be done before at least one year, as all the channels across the country have to be circulated the draft Code and discussions held, opinions taken and incorporated, matters discussed at the apex level, draft to be finalised, put up to the industry body’s lawyer and having been vetted by the lawyer, sent to the senior lawyers of all the channels for final clearance, then get it back, neatly typewrite it in double space, 12 points upper-lower and after a while, and a final look at it, hand it over to the government.

That gives you a sense of “any time”.

Now watch out. The ministry of information and broadcasting, the men in Swastika, as the broadcasters would have us believe, said to that, ‘take time, but don’t be ridiculous’.

So the broadcasters, who meaow when barked at and bark if you smile at them, said they would be nice and give it to the government by the end of January… this year, no less.

In the meanwhile, they have not had the time to hold the national level discussions, so that means the other guys in the states will likely raise the banner of revolt against the ‘content hegemonist channels of Delhi’ and refuse to go by that code.

Why, even within themselves here in Delhi, they cannot agree on anything. Take a look at the yearend statements they have given in the most respected broadcast portal, www.indiantelevision.com, and see how they are at each other’s tails on the issue of the type of content that should be allowed or not allowed on channels.

The issue is, then, who will listen to whom?

The TV news industry is soaring, and the next round will see regional channels tumbling out, who will hardly listen to the big boys from Delhi.

And why should they? Does a Delhi channel give them money? Contrarily, the Delhi news channels take away the most sizeable amount of the media ad pie of a mere Rs 6,000 crore.

The growth of regional channels would mean the obvious increase in localisation of news content, and competition would be so cut throat that one can expect only more of rubbish… sex, superstition, violence, often lies as news.

That is when the mansion of self-regulation would fall apart, because unlike India as a nation during its independence movement, the media is not a cohesive force except when abusing the government, which in turn binds it together. For here in this field, one can only survive at the cost of another.

That is when the bog boys of Delhi will go back to the Queen.

“Hun tussi waps aa jao, please!”

And really, freedom of speech is not what they are fighting for. But that I shall reveal later… after the break!